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Today at work I thought how much I just wish it was over so I'd get back home. The same happens during the week at lectures. I'm waiting for the evening and the moment I can go back home. Why? In the end, there's nothing waiting for me at home. I get home and roll around in boredom and misery. 

I think the autumn's getting on me again. 

I feel like at the moment I'm not even living. I'm waiting for evenings in hope for the days to pass. It's not living. It's just trying to struggle through the days and weeks in hope that something will eventually come. 

It's like I'm waiting and I don't even know what for. 

That's silly isn't it?

[ runaway ]

Right now I feel like I'm very lost.
The only thing I know is where I am now, everything else seems unclear.
Who am I? What am I? What is this? Why do I do it? What is this all for? When will I..?
And the list goes on and on.

I don't know what I am, who I am or who I want to be.
This frustrates me a lot.
I am so lost.


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trigger warning - blood

There was that very distinct scent of blood lingering in the air. It hand strong over the building and got even stronger once you stepped in. It was so thick in the air that you felt like you could almost touch it, feel the taste on your tongue if you just closed your eyes. It made you fear for the worst, there was an atmosphere of murder and yet the scent of death was missing. There was only the smell of blood, so thick and strong it was almost intoxicating.

He followed the steps upstairs and by each one, the scent seemed to grow stronger. By the time he was standing on top of the staircase, he could almost imagine the pools of blood in the floor. Except that they weren’t there. It was almost frustrating. Like the scent was teasing him, luring him deeper into the strange mansion coated with dark wood. His patience was wearing thin, the scent making him feel like he could loose his mind. That little bitch.. He kept playing these games and he swore to god (or the devil for that matter) that someday they’d end up being the death of him. However now his eyes slowly scanned the doors and finally picked the one at the end of the corridor.

That one. There was no doubt of it.

As he got closer, the scent of blood seemed to get a new hint to it. Now it was mixing together with another scent. This one was much sweeter, almost too sweet and yet something that thrilled your senses with its vivid forest-like freshness. And as his hand pressed down the handle of the door, he wasn’t sure what to expect anymore.

The figure in the bathtub looked like an ancient goddess even in the midst of the grotesque scene scattered around him. His pale skin seemed even more ivory as it contrasted against the blood filling the white tub. His slender figure had that certain grace as he tilted his head back and ran his hand through the black hair that flowed down his back.

“Care to join me for a bath?”

It was a sweet purr in the air thickened with the scent of blood that coloured the demon’s lips red as they curled up into a smile.