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I forgot to buy dinner. I was supposed to I forgot. I feel like an idiot. Did the same on Friday.. Thursday I can't really remember. I think I had lunch.
I've been thinking if I should start a meal diary. Just to try to write up the things I eat during the day. If it would make me more aware of it. But then again I'm afraid it will only make me more anxious. If I need to write everything down, what will I eat anymore.. Everything sounds unhealthy. Even now, I think I've gained weight. Complete lack of self-control. All I want is chocolate.

I'm just tired. All I want to do is sleep. I want to cut all social contacts to people. I don't want to. It's exhausting. Tiring. No one understands. I shouldn't have even said anything. God I'm an idiot.
I just wish I could stop thinking. Switch off my head. Be like fuck it and never talk again. Why do I have to try this hard? Right now I see no point. The future is just a blur. If anything, it makes me anxious.

Sometimes I just really want some help. I want someone to remind me to eat, take me to the store and let me sit on their lap. But I know it will never happen. I will never tell anyone. I will just keep swallowing it all down.
Life is tiring and I just want someone to hold me.