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It's hard to even explain how utterly uncomfortable I feel in my body right now. I am also tired of social contact.

I just want to stay inside my apartment and not get out. I don't want anyone to see me. I don't want to see anyone. I want to be alone. I want to be alone until I feel better and less tired. Until I feel like I can be around people without being completely paranoid about how horrible I look. 

I hate my head so much. 

I also hate the fact how difficult it is to explain. 

A couple of nights ago I was standing at a rock and just thought. What if I just fell down from here? How many bones would I break?

I don't want to die. I want to get hospitalised. 

Because it's much easier to explain to people that you have a broken leg and can't do a thing instead of trying to explain that my mind is so sick it keeps me from leaving my bed.