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I’m afraid it’s getting worse again. I’m not sure if it’s about the autumn that has finally come. I wonder at what point did the leaves turn yellow and fall onto the ground? The ground’s not black, the streets are not black. They are yellow, orange, red.. they’re like on fire. But the nights are not. The red sunsets have turned into gray and blue and the darkness comes earlier than before. The autumn is dark and cold. I’m afraid it’s creeping inside me as well.

I feel tired again. I sleep 8-9 hours a night and nevertheless when the morning comes I hardly get my eyes open. And let’s not even talk about lectures. Once I finally get back home I’m so tired I could go back to sleep again. This starts reminding me of last autumn. I could sleep 13-16 hours a day. I don’t know what to do anymore, really.. I don’t sleep and I feel tired. I do sleep and I feel tired nevertheless.

As if this wasn’t already exhausting enough, there’s the happy little sound nagging in the back of my head. Most of all I feel incompetent and stupid. Ugly and fat come right after the first two. I know it’s just my head messing around but nevertheless it gets tiring. Why can’t I ever be good enough? Why can’t I be smart and pretty? Or at least smart? Or pretty? I feel like I’m failing as a human for being neither. This all dwells inside of me to the point where I hardly enjoy things that I am supposed to enjoy. That’s tiring as well.

All I want to do is sleep.

I wish I didn’t have to wake up for lecture tomorrow but instead I could just sleep through the whole day. That would be perfect. Unfortunately it’s also impossible.

I don’t know what to do. I am so lost right now.